Poor Hermie!
by SunshineAddict
Summary: Sequel to Poor Sevvie! co-written with Casiana Joy...with Crazy!Hermione, chicks, Peeps, Herbal Essences and tampons, craziness doesn't have to be found...its already here!


Hermione Granger was sitting in the common room, reading a large book by the fire, when Harry and Ron burst into the room ungracefully, not to mention extremely loud. They were arguing about who-knows-what, and Hermione could barely take the noise  
  
"GAH!" screamed Hermione. "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!"  
  
She jumped out of her seat, pulled out her wand, and magically stitched their mouths shut. Harry and Ron yanked at their mouths, panicked.  
  
"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" cackled Hermione! "I'M FREE AT LAST! FREE AT LAST!"  
  
Then, running out of the common room, proceeded to put every person that was talking under this spell. Until she ran into...Draco. She started to curse him, but then he said, "Hey, Granger? Want to buy some Peeps?"  
  
She looked at him quizzically. "Peeps? You mean sugar-covered marshmallows?"  
  
"No Granger. The kind you find in the 'hood, yo." Draco said.  
  
She didn't understand, but thought he might be joking around. "Er, all right," she said, and followed Draco to an empty classroom.  
  
Draco then opened his robe. Hermione gasped. She saw...  
  
"A Chick!" she cooed.  
  
Draco took out the baby chick and gave it to Hermione.  
  
She cuddled it up to her face, but it decided that it wanted to taste her nose.  
  
"Ow!" She yelped as the chick hung from her nose by its beak  
  
Draco laughed. and laughed. and laughed. He reminded Hermione of the Energizer bunny. He just kept laughing and laughing and laughing and laughing.  
  
She kicked him in the balls and ran away.  
  
She stopped running when she realized she still had a chick on her nose  
  
"GET OFF" she hissed as she pried it off and threw it in the air  
  
the chick was squealing. It hit the stairs and started bouncing down each stair. It stopeed at the bottom stair.  
  
Ginny ran up to the chick. "Hermione! You hurt the chick!" she yelled, and started to cuddle the chick. The chick did not bite her nose, and Hermione got ticked off  
  
Hermione then realized she wasn't done cursing everyone. Instead of sewing Ginny's lips together. She sewed Ginny's eye's shut.  
  
"ACK! I'M BLIND!" She screamed as she ran around in a circle (the chick had run off by now), and then she crashed into the wall.  
  
"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAcough cough HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" laughed Hermione. She ran into the dungeon.  
  
Snape was walking through the halls, scowling at random people, creatures, objects- whatever happened to be there.  
  
Hermione stood in the middle of the hall. Snape had turned his back and was walking backward for no apparent reason.  
  
She leaned against the wall and began acting like a ninja, then ran towards him, did a flip in the air, and jumped on his shoulders, her legs hooking around her neck  
  
"I AM THE MIGHTY KUNG-FU CHICKEN! FEAR ME! she screamed.  
  
Snape yelled and fell to the floor, and she jumped off him, laughing maniacally.  
  
Snaoe got up and looked at her strangely. He took a bottle out of his robe and popped open the lid. A zillion guys came out of the bottle and Snaoe started singing. "I've got the urge to herbal!"  
  
Hermione stopped and smelled the air. Then she hopped on Snape again and began scrubbing his hair. They both began to moan suggestivelly.  
  
Hermione bent down and said something to Snape.  
  
Snape gasped and said, "That's Amazing! But can we?"  
  
"I dunno, Hermione." said Snape. "Do you think we should?"  
  
"Naw, let's just forget about it," she responded. And they did.  
  
"Ok" said Snape, and Hermione resumed washing Snape's hair. As it turned out Snape's hair was not greasy, but since had worked in the dungeons all day, his hair got limp from the fumes.  
  
Suddenly, Mrs. Norris ran hissing through the hall, followed by Dobby holding a scrub brush. Hermione decided that it was time for her to go curse more people (or creatures) some more, jumped off of Snape, and started after Dobby and the cat.  
  
She caught up with Snape only to run right into Cho Chang. She looked at Cho and started rapping....  
  
And when Cho began to back away she pounced and grabbed her nose. "GOT YOUR NOSE!!!" she screamed, and ran off laughing maniacally and waving her arms  
  
Hermione stopped when she realized she really did have Cho's nose. She looked back at Cho and Cho was screaming. Hermione skipped back to Cho. She inspected Cho's nose and said, "Cho, Your nose is fuckin ugly. I mean it's so big. It's like a mountain. Or a ski jump."  
  
Then she got out the duct tape and re-applied it... crooked.  
  
Hermione then skipped off. She went back to the Gryffindor Common room. She realized all this insanity was making her horny so she went off to find........  
  
"HAGRID!" She yelled. "I need to borrow your pink umbrella."  
  
"Why, Heh-miome?" said Hagrid.  
  
"Because..." and then she whispered in his ear  
  
His eyes opened wide. "Alright, you can use it, but be sure to clean it when you're done. I use it too, ya know" he replied  
  
Hermione opened her eyes wide. "Erm... maybe I'll use something else..." she muttered, throwing it back to him, and walked away in search for another tool.  
  
She searched all over the castle for Ginny. When she finally found her she asked, "Ginny, do you have the dildo from Snape's Potions class? Can I borrow it?"  
  
Ginny nodded and ran off, only to come back with the wood. "Here you go, Mione!" she said.  
  
"Thanks, Ginny, I'll return it back to you tomorrow." said Hermione. She then ran into the Great Hall and proceeded to....do the chicken dance on the table. But only because Dumbledore was there.  
  
Then the whole Great Hall started doing the cha-cha slide. A select few did the chicken dance on the tables.  
  
Then, everyone began doing the bunny hop.  
  
Then Hermione said, "Severus Snape, I am madly, desperately in love with you! LET'S RUN AWAY TO VEGAS!"  
  
Fred and George suddenly rode in on their broomsticks and began shooting everyone with guns. Everyone was panicing...  
  
Until they realized the bullets were rubber.  
  
Harry got up and said, "Oi! I need a tampon!"  
  
Every girl stood up and threw a tampon at him. Harry smiled and ran out of the room with the tampons. "I don't want to know," muttered Ginny.  
  
Hermione was skipping down the corridor when she saw Harry with an armful of tampons run into the lavatory.  
  
She thought it was funny to cast a spell to see through the wall.  
  
What she saw was disturbing....  
  
She cursed Harry through the wall and ran off.  
  
She ran into the Great Hall where everyone was having lunch and she yelled, "HARRY IS A TRANSVESTITE!!!" 


End file.
